kinda mad

I just don't understand how people can seriously think that they can tell a 22 year old married woman with three children what she can and cannot do! I went and seen a old friend of mine in jail yes he is also an ex boyfriend of mine but my husband was ok with me going to see him I asked my husband the night before and he said he didn't care. My friend that is in jail Keith is one of the only friends that I have had since I lived in saline county. But anyways the one person finds out that I go to see him and gets all hateful because I went to see him because this other person doesn't like him and this other persons boyfriend doesn't like him well who are they to say who I can and cannot be friends with. This really makes me miss the few friends that I use to have that never did judge me and never did try to tell me how to run my life! Its a wonder how it took me this long to realize some things in my life but better sooner than later right.

Prayer For Grandma

This is a poem I found on the internet right after my daughter was born...

Prayer For Grandma

To my grandma I pray,

Please protect me as I lay.

Please watch over my daughter,

Send her down some love,

Gaurd her,

And guide her,

Please watch over her.

To my grandma I pray,

I know you couldnt stay.

Though far from me you lay.

I think of you everyday.

To my grandma I pray,

To the one who brought joy.

To someone who knew love was not a toy.

To my grandma I pray,

I will see you again someday.

To my grandma I pray,

To whome I miss everyday.

My grandmother passed away November of 2006. She was my very best friend, and though I had disappointed her greatly in the last few years of her life she never once thought of me any different. The day she passed away still haunts me everyday and probably will for the rest of my life. See my grandmother went into a coma a week before she passed away, right after watching her last GreenBay Pakers game, she then went into the hospital she never came out of the coma, the day before she passed away my aunt had called us and told us that they were taking my grandmother off of the breathing machines but they were going to wait until everyone got to say goodbye. My grandmother lived in Milwaukee, and myself I lived in Southern Illinois, so myself and my mother and my sister had to take care of getting off work and everything else, so we left first thing the next morning. The whole drive up to Milwaukee I sat in the back seat thinking and telling myself I was going to be strong I had to be strong for my grandmother, I was going to say goodbye without a tear in my eye, but that did not happen as soon as I seen my grandmother in the hospital bed with her eyes closed hooked up to all the machienes I lost it I could not even walk into the room where my whole family with the expection of a few were standing by her side. I just cried and cried and cried, family members tried to get me to just go hold her hand and say goodbye, but I couldnt I didnt want her to leave me. I know that is very selfish but I was grandmas lil pumpkin. But I finally got enough strength and walked in there and held my grandmas hand and told her I loved her and that is was okay too let go. Then my uncle, the one that never showed any emotion cept for anger said we needed to say a prayer for her we all help hands and prayed her for. And for the 1st time in 19 years the man I thought didnt know how to cry, CRIED. After that my family except myself my mother and one of my aunts all went home or to whomevers house they were staying at that night. My mother and my aunt went and talked, and left me alone with my grandmother, and even though she couldn't talk back I just sat there and told her about my nieces and that it was okay for her to go, she needed to go be with my uncle jonny and my grandfather, that our family would not fall apart, which I know was always a concern for her, she is the only reason any of our family probably even talked. If my mother and my aunt would have walked into the room exactly 2 minutes later than what they had I would have been the only one in the room when my grandmother took her last breath. I was the last person to talk to my grandmother, I held my grandmothers hand while she took her last breath, I even got up at the funeral and read a poem I had written for her. I know a lot of people think big deal people die everyday, people have to go through what you did everyday, but to me its a big deal and still to do this day it haunts me. I love my grandmother so much and all I want to do is make her proud.

my boys birthday

we have recently celebrated my now 4 and 5 yr old sons birthdays this past wednesday they had such a blast here are a few pictures from their party at mcdonalds.

life goes on

this past week has been very hard, my 2 step sons went to visit their real mother for a whole week and i miss them so much. yes i have enjoyed the time with my daughter but it is just not the same without them here. there is once again a fight between the family but nothing is going to change the way people think, for the reason i took my daughter to chuck e cheese after a friend of mine called and asked me and all 3 kids to go with her and her daughter but the 2 boys were with their real mother, but as for some see i just sent the boys off to do things with my daughter. but since the boys have been gone that is the only thing i have done with my daughter like that. but as my title says life goes on. my oldest step son turned 5 on the 6th and i really cant believe it, its kinda crazy he starts kidnergarden just next month, and i really hope he likes it. my youngest step son will be 4 on tuesday he has grown and changed so much from the 1st time i seen him, i am so proud of him, he is talking alot more, doing a lot more for himself, put now if we could only get the potty training down we would be doing GREAT..LOL.. he will get it when he is ready and there will be a huge party waiting for him when he does. they are having so much fun with their mom and gma sara but the oldest told me he cant wait to come home cuz he misses me and his sissy... i know his sissy misses them, all week she has walked around the house yellin for ayton(payton) and bubby(lil ryne) my hubby and myself have been getting along a lot better well thats all for now

what a week

its been one of those weeks where you wish it was just not true. but things happen and life goes on, no matter how much some people would love to see us fall, we are just not going to do that. i have got the chance to reconnect with a great friend of mine, and regardless what others think he is and always will be my best friend, we may only get to talk on the net but thats ok because its better then never talkin with him again. this is one person that no matter how long we dont talk for its like we have talked everyday for our whole lifes. tomorrow is going to be such an awesome day, me and the kids are going to let ryne sleep in and then we are going to make him breakfast whenever he wakes up, then we are off to my sisters house for a cookout to celebrate fathers day. then of course rynes off to work. I really hate it when he has to work in KY because its just me and the kiddos home but we have to do what we have to do.

oh what a day

Autumn had her 15 month check up yesterday, and well she is 19lbs 04 oz. and 26in long. She is growing but not as fast as others her age, she is going to be a small child apparently, she also at the 2 yr old level, so that is pretty exciting. She did the cutest thing the other day, she was hitting my sister Evelyn and well my mom started to get on to her and before she could finish what she was saying Autumn plugged her ears so she could not hear my mom. All the fighting around here has stopped as far as I know. So that is better than what has been going on around here. One of my husbands friends are suppose to be moving in tomorrow so I am cleaning, cleaning, and some more cleaning all day. I pretty much lost a good friend of mine, because well she had her opinion on something and I didnt want to take her advice. My children have a lot of clothing and I do mean a lot. They are young so they kinda need a lot for messes, spills, play clothes, nice clothes, ect. Well she suggested that I should get rid of all their clothing except for 4 outfits each, well I find that kinda stupid and she got mad because I told her I cant do that because of the fact I like them having clothing so that they have nice clothing and play clothing. I just dont understand why she got so mad just because I didnt take her advice but oh well I guess. They are my kids and I clean my house and do my laundry not her so she shouldnt really care.

Great day regardless of...

I am so proud of my niece Krystina, she did it she graduated. We had such a great day. Me and my little ones went over to my sister in laws house had a cookout, got to spend time with the family. But of course there was a fight because a brother in law of mine, the one that always likes to start drama. But that is ok, because he did not ruin our fun. I am so proud of the way Krystina handled the fight that happened, because I know that in the past she would have stayed upset, this person would have got his way and ruined her day, but she just said whatever and went on. She has grown up so much in the 2 years that I have known her and I am so proud of her. I just wish they wouldnt move away because once they do its going to be me against other people and I'm going to miss them. Not only is Angie my sister in law, she is my best friend. We have had our fights, we have said hurtful things, but we got over them. This is one friendship I can honestly say will never fade away. I love her to death, as well as her husband, and all her children, and her ganddaughter. I wish Susan, Matt, and Katelynn would live closer to us, I love being around them. But they dont so I cherrish all the time I get to spend with them. I wish that all the fighting would just stop for good, so we could all enjoy good times together. I know that will never happen though because once a fight starts someone always has to keep it going so that he is the only one that feels good, well he can go sit on it... Not only does this cause my husband and other family members that I am very close to and that are very special to me to fight it always makes others not involved hurt.

5 children just me home none will go to sleep

Well myself my husband and my children and my sisters 2 little ones all went to something called Raleigh days today, as we were so happy to be joined by 2 of my sister in laws, and 2 more of my nieces and 1 of my nephews. Of course there was a falling out with my husband and my sister in law, but my husband is very nosey and very mouthy, he thinks he has to have say in what everyone does. I am just glad that I didnt get involved or brought into the middle of it because I love spending time with my in laws. They are very special to me and very important to me. But the children did have fun as well as myself. But now I have 5 children my 3 little ones and my two youngest nieces, and my husband is at work, and none of the children want to go to sleep. They are very energized now, and well that makes it fun for me. Then it doesnt help that I have a huge fear going on right now. In 2 weeks my 2 sons will be going to spend the weekend with their real "mother" and I use "mother" very loosly with her because she hasnt tried to see them in over a year. I have many fears about that weekend. First and formost is my youngest sons medical problems he has very bad asthma and well he is on a nebulizar and well they want to take him camping and will be sleeping in a tent with no electicity so if he has an asthma attack how are they going to give him his treatment. Second is the part of her not seeing them in a year, I dont know how they are going to act with her and if my youngest will even want to leave with her, he was so young when everything went on between their father and their mother and he really only knows of me as mommy. The only females that have ever always been there or taken care of him for as long as they have been in his life is myself and my sister in law Angie. Another thing is I know she has not been one to watch over children like they should be and they are going to be around water, neither one knows how to swim. My oldest son he has some authority problems already because of everything that he has been through already and his mother is a main part of that, I am afraid that him being with her will make it worse. Like any other mother/step mother, all they want is for their children to be happy and safe. I know my children are very happy and safe with the ones they are around here, but I am not sure on how safe they will be with their real "mother". And that scares me to death. Well enough about that. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day, my niece Krystina is graduating high school tomorrow, and I am so very proud of her. I hope all my nieces and nephews that have not yet graduated high school, does graduate. For I did not graduate high school, and I regreat that everyday of my life and I never want any of them to have to live with that regreat like I have to. Not only does my niece graduate high school, but my oldest niece Susan, her husband Matt, and their precious angel Katelynn will be here and I love getting to see them when I can for they do not live that close to us. Well all kids cept for the youngest have gone to sleep now, so I believe that I wil be going to get her to sleep and try and go to sleep myself now.

first blog

Well I am a happily married mother of 3. I have two boys, Payton whom is 4 and Ryne Jr. whom is 3, I also have a little girl Autumn whom is 1. My husband is Ryne, we have our ups and downs but what married couple dont? I love him to death and wouldnt trade him for anything, well most of the time. LOL... I have 1 sister Evelyn, she has two precious little girls, Nicholle is 7 and Sierra is 6. I have one of the best sister is laws you could ever ask for her name is Angie, she does so much for me and my family and I cant thank her enough. Her husband Roy is just the same I love them both to death. I have 3 nieces Susan, Krystina, and Erica, and 3 nephews Tim, Cory and Josh. I also have a great niece Katelynn she will be 1 in September. I love all these kids to death also. I love doing things with them, its always fun.