I am a mother of 3 they are my life and my world and the reason I do everything that I do :)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Prayer For Grandma

This is a poem I found on the internet right after my daughter was born...
Prayer For Grandma
To my grandma I pray,
Please protect me as I lay.
Please watch over my daughter,
Send her down some love,
Gaurd her,
And guide her,
Please watch over her.
To my grandma I pray,
I know you couldnt stay.
Though far from me you lay.
I think of you everyday.
To my grandma I pray,
To the one who brought joy.
To someone who knew love was not a toy.
To my grandma I pray,
I will see you again someday.
To my grandma I pray,
To whome I miss everyday.

My grandmother passed away November of 2006. She was my very best friend, and though I had disappointed her greatly in the last few years of her life she never once thought of me any different. The day she passed away still haunts me everyday and probably will for the rest of my life. See my grandmother went into a coma a week before she passed away, right after watching her last GreenBay Pakers game, she then went into the hospital she never came out of the coma, the day before she passed away my aunt had called us and told us that they were taking my grandmother off of the breathing machines but they were going to wait until everyone got to say goodbye. My grandmother lived in Milwaukee, and myself I lived in Southern Illinois, so myself and my mother and my sister had to take care of getting off work and everything else, so we left first thing the next morning. The whole drive up to Milwaukee I sat in the back seat thinking and telling myself I was going to be strong I had to be strong for my grandmother, I was going to say goodbye without a tear in my eye, but that did not happen as soon as I seen my grandmother in the hospital bed with her eyes closed hooked up to all the machienes I lost it I could not even walk into the room where my whole family with the expection of a few were standing by her side. I just cried and cried and cried, family members tried to get me to just go hold her hand and say goodbye, but I couldnt I didnt want her to leave me. I know that is very selfish but I was grandmas lil pumpkin. But I finally got enough strength and walked in there and held my grandmas hand and told her I loved her and that is was okay too let go. Then my uncle, the one that never showed any emotion cept for anger said we needed to say a prayer for her we all help hands and prayed her for. And for the 1st time in 19 years the man I thought didnt know how to cry, CRIED. After that my family except myself my mother and one of my aunts all went home or to whomevers house they were staying at that night. My mother and my aunt went and talked, and left me alone with my grandmother, and even though she couldn't talk back I just sat there and told her about my nieces and that it was okay for her to go, she needed to go be with my uncle jonny and my grandfather, that our family would not fall apart, which I know was always a concern for her, she is the only reason any of our family probably even talked. If my mother and my aunt would have walked into the room exactly 2 minutes later than what they had I would have been the only one in the room when my grandmother took her last breath. I was the last person to talk to my grandmother, I held my grandmothers hand while she took her last breath, I even got up at the funeral and read a poem I had written for her. I know a lot of people think big deal people die everyday, people have to go through what you did everyday, but to me its a big deal and still to do this day it haunts me. I love my grandmother so much and all I want to do is make her proud.

Friday, July 24, 2009

my boys birthday

we have recently celebrated my now 4 and 5 yr old sons birthdays this past wednesday they had such a blast here are a few pictures from their party at mcdonalds.

Friday, July 17, 2009

life goes on

this past week has been very hard, my 2 step sons went to visit their real mother for a whole week and i miss them so much. yes i have enjoyed the time with my daughter but it is just not the same without them here. there is once again a fight between the family but nothing is going to change the way people think, for the reason i took my daughter to chuck e cheese after a friend of mine called and asked me and all 3 kids to go with her and her daughter but the 2 boys were with their real mother, but as for some see i just sent the boys off to do things with my daughter. but since the boys have been gone that is the only thing i have done with my daughter like that. but as my title says life goes on. my oldest step son turned 5 on the 6th and i really cant believe it, its kinda crazy he starts kidnergarden just next month, and i really hope he likes it. my youngest step son will be 4 on tuesday he has grown and changed so much from the 1st time i seen him, i am so proud of him, he is talking alot more, doing a lot more for himself, put now if we could only get the potty training down we would be doing GREAT..LOL.. he will get it when he is ready and there will be a huge party waiting for him when he does. they are having so much fun with their mom and gma sara but the oldest told me he cant wait to come home cuz he misses me and his sissy... i know his sissy misses them, all week she has walked around the house yellin for ayton(payton) and bubby(lil ryne) my hubby and myself have been getting along a lot better well thats all for now